The Truth About Adoption

My friend Lisa, who adopted an older boy from Burkina Faso a few months ago, lives in Wisconsin. She and I were talking just last week and I was lamenting how difficult and all-consuming the adoption homestudy, the Dossier submission, and the immigration applications were. She said that they were so overwhelming, that surely completing the process required a "supernatural stamina, perseverance and motivation". I almost wept at the truth of this (well, maybe I did weep a little bit).

I'd like to report to everyone that we, The Undaunted Dorseys, are going like gangbusters, making record-breaking progress, and that our son is so close to coming home.... But instead I'll tell you the truth. Our progress isn't speedy. There is nothing fast about international adoption. The road to our son doesn't unfold as a straight, steep, plotted line. It spans before us, a messy series of fits and starts-- tedious errands, never-ending forms and questionnaires, and the constant up-ending of our lives and our privacy in every imaginable way. It taxes our time, our mental energy, and our finances daily, but we persevere, because Charlemagne is alone in the world, and his homecoming is worth all of our effort.

Some days Joe and I power through several tasks on our lengthy adoption-to-do list, and feel great about each step that brings our son closer to home! Other times, I am sad to say, we don't do a thing-- Not one single thing to move closer to our sweet boy. I feel terrible about these days. I know each day of inactivity on our part, means another day that our son waits in loneliness. Then, when I forget who I am, doubt creeps in, and I hear the whispering sounds....(The murmurs that sometimes come from our friends, too).....that we're nuts, that we are ill-prepared, that we have bitten off more than we can chew, that this task is just too big for little old us, that we are not special...(Why in the world did we think we could do this?). It is in those lows, and in those lies, that I reach out to Lisa and the other adoptive moms, and my prayerful supporters, who I am so blessed to call my friends, and they let me come unraveled a little bit, and they tell me the truth again.

The truth is, that I am an ordinary person and we are a regular family who is following God's heart to love sacrificially. We can only put one foot in front of other, on the path lit for us, and that is what we do. We trust God's strength, timing, and provision, not our own. The truth is that Jesus loved the hurting, the lost, and the lonely, and he calls us to do the same. I know how he feels about the unloved, the broken, the unwanted, the orphan, and I know what I am supposed to do about it. There is such peace in this burden of knowing, I can't even tell you!!!! An easy road was never part of the promise God makes, but His love and grace are poured out, every step of the way.

Of course Joe and I are ill equipped and ordinary. If our adoption succeeded by us being extraordinary, by our own hard work and careful planning, by our own wealth and financial success, by our own intellect and cleverness, then we'd rob God of the glory he deserves, in bringing orphans into families, in bringing his people together for his plans. Adopting Charlemagne is God's call for our lives and although the path will change our lives, change our family, and come at a "cost" in ways we can't even imagine, we are so blessed to be part of God's great plan.

So where are we in the process?
We are under contract with two agencies: Holt International as our local homestudy agency and All Blessings International as our placing agency. We have completed more than half of the overall requirements for our two agencies, and have submitted $5,600 in fees and paid about $500 in incidental fees, training videos, and notary charges along the way. The ball is definitely rolling, friends!!

Joe's new passport will arrive any day, and then we can prepare our first immigration document, called the I800-A. (this will be submitted as soon as we finish our homestudy, along with about $860 in fees). Our homestudy will be finished as soon as we obtain a few more clearances, a 10 hour training module online, and a 22 page questionnaire about every aspect of our lives, (relationships, childhood, our marriage, our faith, parenting....you name it!). When we receive the I800-A approval, we submit our Dossier, (along with the next round of agency fees, $5,000)-- this is the formal packet that goes to Burkina Faso for approval! This is what I think of as "the end of the beginning" of the process. The majority of our work is done....then the real waiting begins, and we gather the next round of fees....$10,000 in "International Fees".

We will share updates and we hope to have our homestudy completed in the next 30 days-- your prayers are appreciated!!

Thanks for coming alongside our family, and for sharing our story.

So......How did we come to this place?

About three years ago, as we were taking baby steps in our first international adoption, Joe and I were reading the bios of several “waiting children”. We had an immediate soft spot in our hearts for one boy in particular: Charlemagne. So handsome, with a beautiful smile, we thought. What a beautiful son he’d be! Ruth, who would be our adoption facilitator, told us he was a tenderhearted, gentle boy. But he was deaf, and we didn’t know how to sign….plus, he was older than our son, Nate by a year or two. How would this affect our family dynamic? We decided that adopting a younger child might be best for our family. Maybe a younger child would have fewer adjustment issues. Maybe he would not have as much “baggage” from his traumatic past. Looking back, it seems silly that we thought we had any control at all.

We decided to adopt a waiting child with special needs. He was a sweet little boy who was just 4 or 5, and visually impaired. His too-big glasses and sweet face drew us in, and in truth, we loved him before we met him. We were confident that our American resources and healthcare could solve his vision issues in a snap. But throughout our adoption, we thought of Charlemagne and prayed often that his family would come for him. The months passed, and although several of us advocated for him on our blogs and on social media, Charlemagne continued to wait.

What a heavy mantle of responsibility it is, this “choosing”. We knew that our decision would not only change our lives, but would drastically alter the life of one tiny, waiting child. Our decision would also impact the life of the child who was not chosen. His life would be unchanged. He would not be plucked out of poverty and loneliness. He would continue to wait.

Fast forward……today, Thomas, (who began as “Sylvain” in his African orphanage) has been home for just over a year. Despite his disability and his inevitable “baggage” from living for 6 years as an orphan, he is thriving and he is happy. His vision is not curable or even treatable. (Again, how silly it was, how arrogant, really…..to think that we had any control over this). Thomas will live his life as a person with a significant visual impairment, but what this means for his progress and potential, we cannot even guess! He surprises us all the time with what he can do, learn and strive towards. Thomas has many friends, a joyful heart, and he love, love, loves his family!

After many months and many petitions, we were finally allowed to sponsor Charlemagne, so that he could attend a school for the deaf. He is at the top of his class!! Despite his needs and his age, we still felt called to pursue him, to bring him home.

Joe and I can’t help but feel that our family is not yet complete, and that God has chosen another son for us, who is living in Burkina Faso. Amazing to think that God really DID raise up a family for Charlemagne after all, isn’t it?

To make a tax deductible donation to our family's adoption, click here

When God Whispers in Your Ear.....

We definitely do not see the whole staircase in this adoption adventure, but we are willing to take each step in faith! We all like to see the "big picture" first, don't we? We like to have guarantees and we don't want to fail, to lose, to suffer on our journey. We want our efforts to be linear, resulting in goal attainment. This adoption process counter-intuitive to goal setters and linear thinkers like Joe. It is long with almost guaranteed setbacks and frustrating delays that will become too numerous to count. We will be striving, persevering, and praying through obstacles throughout our climb, because we think that the view at the top of the mountain will be pretty amazing. We learn to flex our "trust muscle" and buckle up for the ride when we parent-- and this is true for adopted and biological children. (This first quote pictured was borrowed from New Horizons for Children, an orphan hosting ministry, the second, from Pastor Francis Chan).

We are Unqualified.....

We are a regular family, over-scheduled and often frazzled by the work we do and the world we live in. We are led and empowered by an amazing God who has broken our hearts to care for the least of these…..children without families, living in poverty. We do our best to listen for God’s will for our lives, to follow the path he lights at our feet, and to tell the story of how he moves us. 

Join us in our adventure, as we share the story of “Bringing Charlemagne Home” from Burkina Faso, West Africa.

We know that every child needs and deserves to be loved and cherished in a family. This is a simple truth, but it is not a reality for millions of kids all over the world. A boy we sponsor, Charlemagne was abandoned by his first family. He is loved by no one in a country where family membership means the difference between life and death. Can you grasp what this really means for a child? To be alone in the world and deaf, with no hope for the future that lies ahead is a tragic thing. It is a thing that Joe and I could not “un-know” once we knew.

In trying to raise our kids and navigate the choices and changes in life, Joe and I have found that we mess up and miss opportunities all the time. But God does this crazy thing with messes like us— He can draw straight lines with crooked sticks—making miracles out of our madness. You can find our story on facebook by this name.

And so here we start, unqualified as we are, on the path to adopting Charlemagne! We are ready for the uncertainties that lie ahead, and we are so excited to be part of God’s adoption plan! We hope you’ll join us, pray with us, share our story, and support us this rescue mission. Thanks for being our village!

In Koudougou

The following glimpse of our time in Burkina Faso was partially written on May 31, 2014.  It is now posted, more than a year later, as a reflection of our time together,  as a reminder of all we witnessed, and as a call to prayer for those still there. 

Road Trip!

Ruth and her die-hard Mitsubishi took us on two excursions this past week, into the bush, and beyond the traffic and bustle of Ouagadougou.

We saw guinea fowl, chickens and roosters, goats, sheep, several skinny cows, a few pigs,  and many weary looking donkeys on both of these long roads out of town.  What struck  me was the vast openness where all of these animals grazed.  How do their owners know where to find them in the evenings?  How do people know which goat they can eat or milk?  These barnyard  beasts cross roads and find new neighbors all day long.  We saw, along the way, two shepherd boys, both about Nate's age who watched over and guided their small herds of cattle along the roadside, with a long staff.  Otherwise, every animal seemed free to roam. We learned from Ruth that tails of sheep fall down their backside, while tails of goats flip up!  Fun Fact from the field.  I also learned, from Sylvain, that pigs in Burkina say, "kwonk, kwonk, kwonk...."

Ouagadougou, Koudougou, and Yako make a nearly equilateral triangle on a map-- Yako is furthest north, Ouaga in the center and Koudougou in the center, but farther west.  Driving through and beyond the small town of Yako (with its one street light still pending), will take you to Mali.  In a straight line from Ouaga through Koudougou, you'd also end up in Mali, but closer to Ivory Coast.  Ruth and Linda live in a small and remote village called Kimini, just a few miles from the Ivory Coast border.

The scenery out the window for both of our road ventures was beautiful, in the harsh, difficult, and an "I can't take my eyes off of this"  kind of way.  We saw some amazing Baobab trees and although we wanted to take photos at several points, it felt as if we'd be so oddly conspicuous, stepping out to do this.....like we'd be stepping into someone's living room.

On this day to Koudougou, we visited Thomas' first orphanage, run by an African woman and several tanties.  We sat in a circle on the large, covered patio while the children came ever closer, and Ruth translated French to English so patiently.  The inside of the small, painted brick building had cement floors just like the patio, and hardly a stick of furniture.  There were a couple of blankets on the floors and some tiny babies sleeping in the suffocating heat of the day. One tantie picked up a tiny one....so small, about 3 pounds as she slept, and we heard that this was how small our son was, when he arrived.  How miraculous that they survive.

We wanted this visit to be short and sweet-- kind of a gratuitous visit, really-- where we give some small gifts-- cooking oil, a large bag of rice, soap and some donations we'd brought from home and acknowledge them as Sylvain's first "home" in gratitude.   But as is African culture, and there is no such thing as short and sweet.... there are lingering moments and long stories and playing with the children.  The Directrice of this little home was gracious but made many overt plugs for donations....she needs a computer, she needs her kids to be sponsored, she needs money for food for the children.  Can you blame her for her bold requests?  Our "plenty" was only there, sitting on her porch, for the afternoon-- how could the opportunity pass without us giving her all she needed?  So she asked, and asked, and the day wore on.

But we couldn't give her all she needed, could we?  We were in debt for this adoption-- financial hardship, really.  We'd brought gifts....was that not enough?  Of course it was not.  In her view, she cared for our son for three years.....was she not owed more?  The reality was, when we finally said our goodbyes, we'd be returning to a home with furniture and carpeted floors, and food in our refrigerator.  She'd still be here, with babies that were too-tiny,  4 year olds with fungus infections on their heads, children needing sponsors to attend school,  and not enough food for the children.

This is Nate and an absolutely beautiful boy named, "Innocent".  Nate is teaching him to count in English.  Innocent was so engaging and sat on my lap or near me the whole time.  When we left, he cried and would not wave good bye.  Joe and I wished that he could come home with us too.  Nate and I cried too.  We were broken hearted.

Kellen, as in all places we visited, was a baby-magnet.  He always had a little one on his lap, and each time, the kids were relaxed and at ease in his arms.  Innocent was teaching Sylvain an African children's song in the photo below.

Ruth and Linda, below-- completely in their element with a little one on their knees.  This girl was so sweet and super sassy-- she clamored for lap space and jockeyed for the best slice of mango.  She bossed the little ones and directed the traffic of small feet to her liking.  I hope she grows up strong and confident, and keeps that feisty spark in her eye.

Amazingly, in the poverty of this place, all of our family members were given gifts.  Sylvain was given this traditional African tunic and pants, Kellen and Nate were both given necklaces.  I was received a head scarf and Joe, a farmer's hat.

 This child sharing my lap with Innocent wore a hat to cover the white scalp of a fungal infection.  Such as easy problem to solve here, but in Burkina Faso's orphanage, it is something that one lived with.  I lost sleep regretting what we'd given.... why the donations we gave, with basic first aid supplies didn't contain fungal cream-- arrgghhh!  To be able to do this over again....

 A glimpse inside of this home, a beautiful face behind the green door.

The tall, strong, and beautiful directrice, with a tantie in the background is saying her goodbyes to Sylvain.  We are struck with the fact that Sylvain rarely smiled, and that he was not entirely at ease here.  It is hard to know what he remembered of this place, of this woman, or what he may have thought or feared here, with us all together.  How confusing it must have been.

We are thankful for our time here.  We are blessed to have been able to meet the woman who cared for our small son, at the start of his life.

Post Script:
Joe and I would like to plan ahead to visit this place when we go to Burkina Faso next time, when we adopt our new son.  Koudougou is out of the way, but worth the trip.  We'll bring rice, cooking oil, soap in greater quantities, and we'll bring fungal cream and mangoes for the children too.  I wonder if Innocent will be there....

If you would like to donate to our adoption please click on the AdoptTogether link.  We'd be so grateful for your support!  Thanks for following our story~

Cris and Joe